Sacred dating is about redefining our cultures process for meeting our intimate partners. It's about returning depth and heart to the process.
***If you're single and find dating a life giving adventure, this article will be a waste of your time.
I've been single for a while now and I've heard story after story about the frustrations surrounding the way our culture dates these days. I've shared these sentiments and experiences many times. Often this has to do with the process of online dating. There are so many, including myself, that wish to meet our partner organically.
What is it about online dating that has us wishing for something different?
In America, our culture is deeply influenced by a shoppers mentality. We shop for everything, our phones, shoes and even our churchs. We analyze the objective features of what we're looking to purchase. Online dating offers this process by creating a database of features for which we can window shop for a partner. It goes even further by creating algorithyms that will mathematically match us to further satisfy our desire to avoid bad experiences.
If you have an uneasiness about this process, maybe it is the process of objectifying a person like we do with picking our next cell phone. This process works at the level of our analytical mind, but insults the soul. That leaves me asking the question, is online dating to blame?
Let's answer this first by asking a larger question, why do we seek a mate when it is such a frustrating process?
This can only be answered by looking at all of the craziness of the different relationships we're challenged with in our lives. We have relationships with relatives, friends, acquaintances, strangers and intimate partners. The whole process of relationship could be summed up as a practice for connection between people. Some of our relationships deepen and some of them fizzle. All relationships teach us something and help us grow into better people. If you're in this mindset, we can then say that we seek a deeper and deeper exploration within ourselves and knowing others.
With this in mind, is online dating the problem?
We are seeking heart connection through a mind dominated process, this is a very ironic aspect to our cultural process.
How can we take back today's consumeristic process and use it for our heart journey?
What if we were to add depth to our cultures process? Instead of having a myriad of get to know you dates, what if we were to simply add depth, and make dating sacred? We change our mindset to a knowing that we simply can't know anything of potential intimacy until we know something of a person's soul. In this we seek experiences with people that like what we like, not dishonoring our minds, but simply leave behind the cultures expectations and of dating until we know them on deeper level.
We can live in expectancy of finding the "one" while getting to know other people and learn through each experience. This process will also leave behind a lot of the mistakes we make, like sleeping with people too quickly.
This sounds a lot like the friends first idea. This is true on one level, but making dating sacred is an intentional way of creating a process in our lives that is greater and more beautiful.
I haven't given up on online dating, but I've changed my thinking around it.
I share with you how I introduce this to people in my profiles.
I have a higher understanding of dating, I don't go on a "date" with anyone unless I know them at some level of the heart. You may be a perfect match on paper, but I know this doesn't define you as an individual. In this idea, I'm looking to meet people for life giving experiences and see where it goes from there.
*By all means, if this works in your world, feel free to take it and edit as it fits for you.