I'm Waking up, Why Do I Revisit Depression?

melancholyThere is a prevailing notion that there is some ending point on a spiritual or personal development path.  For me, I envisioned the day where negative thoughts were a part of my past and every day would be blooming spring flowers.

I have no doubt come a long way in my spiritual development, but just went through another short period of what felt like myself revisiting my long forgotten depression.  The feelings in my body and mind were so familiar it frankly scared the hee bee gee bees out of me.  I pounded my mattress in frustration thinking that these days were behind me.  This low point was bad enough to manifest into a physical sickness I hadn't experienced in 10 years.  

One of the gifts of this new experience was a very quiet thought in the back of my mind that told me that this state was impermanent.  I awoke from this down and began feeling better, I once again reached out to my support peeps and in my vulnerability explained publicly my journey.  This had the effect of me once again outgrowing myself.  The experience, again, humbled me and reminded me that there is no end to a spiritual journey and that every piece should not be judged, but embraced.  

If I'm to cross into the path again, the tweak in my self talk will be, that this may feel like experiencing my depression once again, it is not.  These episodes for a conscious awakening person are often bouts with melancholia.  

There is a beautiful distinction in this languaging.  When someone begins to wake, they come to know their unconsciousness.  This is a wonderfully beautiful gift of awakening.  The downside is the recognition that the cultural trance is telling another story, which is quite loud and can be overwhelming. "It is right to stay asleep, go back to sleep." it repeats.  For me, I chose for this reality to die.  In this instance, my mind began accepting this voice back into my world.

There are a myriad of spiritual practices and rituals, which we often abandon during the down times, I want to share one that was given to me on my way out of the darkness.  It was suggested that I stop allowing my mind to talk to my spirit.  Rather, when the mind begins its incessant chatter to go back asleep, request that my spirit have a conversation with my mind.  Brilliant.

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