Yesterday was Father's Day. I was lucky enough to have to my daughter with me and as always she filled my heart with warmth. She started the day by throwing confetti on me, then gave me a snuggle that warmed my heart. She smiled the most joyful smile, letting me know she's happy to be my kiddo.
So many beautiful things to reflect on about my relationship with my daughter, but something took a bit more of a center stage. I began to see people reflecting on their relationship with their father. I've not given my father much thought in the 30's years he's been absent from my life. I finally took some time to reflect on why the absence of a father has not provided me with much emotional turmoil.
I decided to mine this unique situation for its gifts. The first thing that I came to know is that we seem to work the most emotional of our experiences, versus what might subtly get left behind. My father abandoned me and my siblings to be left alone to search for a model of what it is to be a man. As I reread this sentence I think, why does this not have the effect on my emotional state that it should? Am I callus and hidden from the abandonment? Knowing the extrodinary amount of self awareness work I've experienced, I'm pretty sure this simply isn't a part of my own that hides deep dark truths I've yet to mine.
The gift my father left me resonated and was received early on in life. In my quest to find myself, my father gifted me with a good deal of the "not I" part of myself. When he would go on about blaming different races and American women for all the problems of this world, I simply knew better in that moment. His, being my father, gave him no credibility in this small truth about how the world works.
I have a lot of great memories of experiences with my father. He was a serious man's man. I can now reflect that he was truly taken over by the hero archetype. He instilled this aspect in me, which with every archetype has its positive and negative aspect. It served me greatly in many experiences where I stood in the face of danger when others retreated.
There are no hard feelings toward my father and this written record is not emblazoned with condescending condemnation. I've squirmed and suffered to learn so many lessons in my life. My father gifted me a huge realization of who I was not, and for that I'm sincerely grateful for his presence. How can I not be extremely grateful and wish him the best that he one day will find his heart open and filled with as much joy as I've come to know.
We spend so much time embroiled in emotional distress. Sometimes its a wonderful to mine the more subtle aspects of our lives which have been gifted without the deep needed wounds.